labor we don't count as labor

and why we should

If you’ve ever gotten to the end of your night, unable to form a sentence, and thought, “What is wrong with me?! Why isn’t my brain working!? This is when I’m supposed to be working on my side project!”

The answer is energy.

We’re exhausted.

And we have a way of discounting that exhaustion thanks to hustle culture’s insistence on pushing through and misinterpretations of what it means to Turn Pro.

Everything you’re doing that you “don’t count” as labor but is labor - those activities are sucking up your energy, resources, brain power, and patience.

That’s what happens to most of us who are contending with Real Life.

You don’t have a time management problem. You have an energy management problem. And to finish a Dream Project, we need more energy.

We’ve discussed energy management strategies like 10 minutes a day and creative allies. But Today.

Today, we’re going to do an activity.

I want to make the invisible labor you do visible.

I started doing this as a copywriting exercise when my daughter was one. I was tired of people saying that parental leave was “time off” when it was labor. And I was tired of people saying that parents who stay home have no skills that are transferable to the workplace (untrue). Most of all, I was tired of defending myself against people who asked why I seemed so tired.

So I started making a list of all the things I do that are labor, but I don’t get paid for doing and as such “don’t count” as me having “worked.”

Startup Parent

founder Sarah K Peck challenged me to turn it into a piece for her site a few years later. And we ended up with a giant list I published here. The TLDR is:

Many of us are working the equivalent of 17 jobs and only “counting” the activities that provide financial income or a tangible outcome as “real work.”

Domestic labor is labor. Mental labor is labor. Emotional labor is labor. Psychological labor is labor. Relational labor is labor.

For those contending with the trials and tribulations of Real Life, uncertain why you have little left over for your projects - this is why. All of our energy is going to other places.

So we’re gonna make a list.

I want you to list everything you do that you don’t consider work.

The more we see these things in black and white, the more, I hope, you will begin to give yourself and others credit for this labor. Instead of saying, “Well it’s just what you do,” “it’s no big deal” - and then wonder why you don’t have the energy leftover to work on your music or painting or drawing or singing.

It’s because the energy you exert on labor, paid or unpaid, is, in fact, a very big deal.

One you should be giving yourself more credit for.

Margo

Here are some of the items on my list (below). Please add yours in the comments:

1. Get the child dressed and fed for school (45 minutes) every day

2. Pick up the child at 3 PM (or pay extra to pick up at 6 PM)

3. Take parents or grandparents to doctor’s appointments

4. Maintain relationships with parents, in-laws, siblings, and cousins (texting, calling, FTing, coordinating trips + travel) 

5. Keeping track of and enforcing the child’s schedule (when is bedtime, when school starts, when it’s time to take a bath, when it’s time to go to soccer practice, to nap, or to leave to attend the tennis tournament)

6. Holiday gifts (choose + wrap): Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, Grandparent’s Day, and other misc gift-giving holidays

7. Birthday Gifts (cousins, grandparents, your children, children’s friends, aunts, uncles, mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother and sisters-in-law (and their spouses) (and their children)….this list gets LOOONG.)

8. Teacher appreciation gifts, anniversary gifts, baby showers, weddings, bridal showers, employee gifts, and hostess gifts

9. Thank you cards (for all those gifts)

10. Keeping a mental tally of which kids prefer which snacks in your household (ensuring you have adequate amounts of said preferred snacks and maintaining a consistent inventory)

11. Paperwork. SO. MUCH. PAPERWORK. I dunno why there’s always more paperwork.

12. Knowledge + awareness of when the child needs a new winter coat…in August. Researching and forecasting are necessary here for determining what freaking size this constantly growing human will be in 4 months

13. Schedule, coordinate, and attend playdates, birthday parties, dances, and other social activities kids cannot do on their own yet

14. Cleaning the house. Even with a housekeeper or cleaning service if you have one, YOU’RE STILL ALWAYS PICKING STUFF UP

15. Laundry laundry laundry laundry laundry LAUNDRY (even if you have help. there is always more laundry)

16. Remembering which days are show-and-tell, ballet, baseball, or swim and making sure the kid has all the items for that activity 

17. Reading with the kid every night

18. Feeling guilty for how you did not read with your kid last night and then (not)(lying) about it so the teacher and other moms don’t shame you.

19. Managing YOUR emotions so you can help your kid navigate THEIR big feelings

20. AND SO MANY MORE.

Read the full list a bunch of us put together in 2022, it’s focused mostly on parenting but you can add labor of any kind.

Labor is labor.

To finish a Dream Project, we don't need more time. We need more energy.

One way to get it is to start giving ourselves credit for the labor we’re doing. And then being relentless and gentle with ourselves about what is possible.

Curious to see what’s on your list.

M

---

---

Need some creative encouragement?

Brainstorm Road paid subscribers give each other high fives every Friday over on threads. We meet up once a month to discuss our projects. And we think it’s awesome you want to make stuff. Learn more below.

---