Dream Projects in Real Life

what happens when your life gets in the way

You had this idea. You turned it over and over in your mind like a coin in your pocket.

One day you decided to begin. You started thinking about how to make your idea real.

Then you got waylaid.

The dog needed to go to the vet. Childcare fell through. Your father started wandering from home and forgetting the names of his grandchildren. There was a car accident. A tooth fell out. Dinner required an extra trip to the grocery store. There was a field trip to chaperone. A call from a daughter at university. The last-minute business trip. A flat tire. An internet outage. The new restaurant opening around the block. A fundraiser for the cause you care about. A text from a struggling friend. 

There was your Real Life.

But you are the kind of person who gets things done. The dog got some pills and resumed chasing the frisbee and your tooth got fixed and the car is running again and everyone has had dinner, so you open your laptop and begin again.

Only you are tired and you are not quite sure where to start and you fear that tomorrow morning will arrive with a new array of predictably unpredictable events and urgent happenings and minor catastrophes.

And you think, I cannot do this. Not now.

Maybe once the kids are in school full time, or out of the house. Maybe once my old dog has crossed the rainbow bridge. Maybe once I learn how to meditate and quiet my inner critic. Maybe after I have a midlife crisis and buy an expensive car that is less likely to break down. Maybe once my parents are no longer in need of my care. 

We have the wrong idea about what Dream Projects are and what they require and so we defer.

But here’s the thing: Dream Projects are compatible with Real Life.

What’s not compatible with Real Life is our misinformed notions of what it is to dream and what’s required in order to follow through on our dreams. Making a Dream Project happen is like every other important thing we've ever done: You have to decide and then keep deciding to be the person who follows through on your Dream Project.

It’s much easier to say you’re waiting for the Muse than it is to sit down for 10 minutes and paint something blah.

It is easier to quit than to do one small stitch on your quilt, write four lines of your screenplay, send the one email asking to interview that guy you want on your podcast, book the photographer for your new headshots, edit the audio for that video, or fix the lighting on that image.

We keep creating with or without the muse.

There is no single transformative ah-ha moment where you create with reckless abandon in one fell swoop. It’s many moments, over many years, where you recommit to your decision. I will write today. I will publish today. I will finish sewing. I will sketch that image. I will be a present parent. I will create nonprofit initiatives that have an impact on the communities we serve. I will list my paintings on my website.

To get anywhere worth going, you’ve got to decide about a million times that you actually want to get there. You’ve got to decide big things like how much money you’ll invest and how many years of your life you’re willing to give in exchange for this great thing. And you’ve got to decide microscopic things like the word choice in the email you’re drafting and the tone with which you greet the person on the other end of the line. 

But mostly you must keep deciding that accomplishing the great thing is what you want to do. This is hard work. Particularly when focus wanes and resolve flags and exhaustion sets in. 

The challenge and opportunity are in the decision to keep going.

To recommit to your decision. To decide and keep deciding.

You decide and then keep deciding to be the person who works on her Dream Project today.

The conditions are never ideal because the backdrop of our lives is dynamic. It’s not the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. This week isn’t the same as this week last year or five years ago. 

The elements of our lives are always changing.

It’s powerful when we acknowledge that the background is dynamic. You are not a machine. You are a human being. You are going to have different levels of energy, willpower, drive, and care on different days.

People, circumstances, emotions, jobs, and energy levels change with the season of life we’re in and so it’s going to feel different in each season. In some seasons we have more bandwidth. In other seasons, there is no “trying harder.”  It is about acknowledging what is. It is about being gentle. 

And it’s about being relentless. Relentless in taking teeny tiny steps. Relentless in believing that a little bit is enough. Relentless in believing that finding space in the midst of real life for the things we care about is worthwhile. Relentless in coming back to the work we care about – after life flares, after time away, after laying on the floor like a human puddle. 

We’re gentle and we’re relentless – through ups and downs, through stallouts and sprints, through heartbreak and epiphany, through Real Life.

Your creative practice does not have to be the same for your entire lifetime. 

Your practice, your project, and your dreams are dynamic. Just like the conditions of your life. They evolve with this season of your life.

The trick is to be relentless and gentle. Relentless with your commitment, gentle with yourself.

The conditions are never ideal for creative work. Real Life will always be there. The good news is we do not need ideal or perfect.

We do not need to be “good” creatives.

We need to decide to create.

Tiny efforts every day toward the finish line, done in community with others who believe it’s possible and know it’s worth it.

Keep going.

[Read: What happens when you’re forced to put your creative dreams on hold]

[Read: Trying harder and why you shouldn’t]