Trying harder

and why you shouldn't

Olivia keeps trying to “find time” for creative work and is beating herself to a pulp for not being more “on top of her schedule.” Aria is telling herself that she is a P.O.S. for not maximizing the two hours a day she has to herself. Those two hours she wants to use for creative work are squished between 679 hours of chores, terrifying health scares, a broken dishwasher, a leaking roof, and driving her dad to and from his doctor’s appointments. Sophia spends her mornings getting three kids dressed and ready for school, rushing to get to work, and just found out that Marley’s kid is in surgery again. Jenn’s back gave out and Josh’s partner just left him solo with their kids and his mom who lives with them.

The idea that any of these people should “try harder” to make their creative projects happen is so absurd it’s comical.

Conventional wisdom suggests that those of us who aren’t creating as prolifically and consistently as we’d like are struggling with Resistance. Resistance is fear that masquerades as busyness, self-doubt, insecurity, distraction, procrastination, and all of this. Its goal is to keep you from sitting down and doing your work. To combat Resistance, you’re supposed to face it, fight it, and get to work.

If you have the willingness and ability to do creative work, then yes, it’s likely Resistance is your culprit, and “try harder” advice can successfully motivate you to turn off Real Housewives, walk 10 feet to their desk, sit down, and start working.

However. To those whose lives resemble the examples in the opening paragraph of this piece, there is no amount of “try harder” that is going to fix the problem.

Because they don’t have a Resistance problem. They’re not making excuses, rationalizing, or avoiding doing the work (in fact, they’d love to). What’s happened to many of us is that real life takes precedence. Not from a place of “lack of commitment!” but from a place of acceptance, humanity, and love.

This looks like choosing to sit in the hospital with your mom instead of going into the studio or staying home with a kid who is throwing up or going through cancer treatment for those who are going through treatment.

Those of us whose real life takes precedence don’t have a time management problem or a Resistance problem. The advice required is different, and so is the path forward.

The fix is not try harder.

If anything it’s, try less. Try…later? Don’t try, just cry?

There are laws to creative work akin to the laws of physics. You need white space. Shower moments. A brain. Time to think. Stillness. Nature. Support. Community.

There are conditions into which creative work is built. The conditions are never ideal, but there are conditions. We might as well acknowledge them.

There is no amount of creative practice that will help you if you are in crisis or if you are drowning in real life. We make things worse for ourselves when we become entangled in a web of self-beratement and push ourselves to do more and work harder and fight. What we find is we aren’t moving forward, we’re just railing against reality. 

It’s hard to loosen our grip on wanting to do everything, on wanting to take big swings. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that life right now might not be conducive to making it all happen as quickly as we’d like.

The work is to recognize these are seasons, they are not forever. The world sells us on this idea that it’s a 24/7 commitment to a craft that’s going to yield results. First of all, no. Second of all, there’s a different path forward. A path marked by gentleness and ease. By small steps and allowing an outflow.

The conditions required to get back to work are not hustling, but connecting. Not trying harder but surrendering to what is now and what it is that we want and leaning into pleasure. Reconnecting with that place inside that gets excited about the idea and the work. Staring out a window for 30 minutes. Enjoying a movie or a book. Taking care of ourselves so that when our lives do present us with an opportunity, we are prepared to meet it. 

When we stop railing against reality, we just might notice that little something is possible today. Not as much as we’d like, but an opening. A few minutes to scribble or design or dream.

If you’re overwhelmed, don’t try harder. Try slower. Try kinder. Try holding loosely. Try funner (that’s not a word, see we’re already having fun!). Try sillier. Try lowering the stakes and letting go.

Kristin + Margo

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